10 Ways NOT to Market Your 3D Printer

Marketing is a tricky business. How do you make people remember you without sacrificing the information you want to get across?

Well, that’s a really tough question. But want to know what’s not tough to figure out?

Say...something...anything…

1. Let’s get this out of the way: if your marketing strategy centers around music, just throw that whole plan out and consider taking the rest of the day off to reconsider your life choices.

The fourth wall is there for a reason

2. Have you ever been watching TV and thought: “Man, I wish this show broke the fourth wall a lot?” Yeah, me neither. See 6 seconds into this video:

So much cringe.

To market, or not to market? That is the question

3. Guess what? You’re not freakin’ Shakespeare. So stop writing lines like: “Brain. With it, we can reach the frontier of the Universe. The infinite world. Some can travel into the future. Some back in time. But most are bound in the present.” That sounds like nonsensical drivel, but it’s actually straight from the Anvil Creation Center video in #2.

For full context for these next ones, first watch this video:

Somehow, even more cringe.

Calm down

4. You know who else you’re not? Edgar Allen Poe. So stop channeling your inner emo kid (“it’s not a phase,” I know) and writing flowery poetry that does nothing but make you sound like you’re coming off of a 48-hour Mountain Dew binge.

Not written by Edgar Allen Poe.

Not written by Edgar Allen Poe.

Double-check your work

5. Watch these ‘behind-the-scenes’ shots carefully:

The camera man is picking his nose.

The camera man is picking his nose.

Guess what doesn’t help your product? A camera guy going spelunking on a knuckle deep reconnaissance mission into his right nostril. My point being: Once you post, it’s there forever. It represents your company and your brand. So go over it with a fine-tooth comb.

Create a memorable slogan

6 . Slogans. They’re great! And a good one is a game changer. But a bad one is like a nickname you get on day one of Freshman year of high school. It stays with you. For example: “Changing design in a big way” and “Leading the 3D printing revolution,” which are said SUNG in the Objet1000 ad by a wildly disconcerting choir of what I have to assume are hostages.

Bad slogans are like bad nicknames. They stay with you.

Bad slogans are like bad nicknames. They stay with you.

Less is more

7. Remember back in the old days when we actually had to watch commercials? (Savages, am I right?) Well, most of the ones you actually can remember – and also the ones that were the most successful were only 60 seconds long.  I don’t know about you, but my attention span isn’t long enough for okay next topic.

Wait, what do you do again?

8. Don’t lose sight of your goal. You want people to remember who you are, yes. But you also want them to remember what you do. Like, hypothetically, you wouldn’t want to film one minute of grainy footage of blindfolded people committing suicide one by one. Totally hypothetical scenario.

Wait, what do you sell again?

9. Are you selling people? No? Good. Then you don’t need to focus your ad on people. So maybe consider focusing on 3D printers instead? Just a thought. If your ad looks like this, you’re doing it wrong.

Please, be normal

10. This should go without saying. It really should. But don’t do this. Don’t do any of this. At no point during your advertisement should I pause it, turn to my dog, and ask him “What did I just watch?” If your video is so weird that I have to go back and amend this article, odds are your prospective clients gained nothing from it. Don’t get me wrong: you want to be unique. You want to be memorable. But you don’t want to be weird.

No.

No.